Aug 28

Sooo I'm moping again. Big surprise. So yesterday we went to my brother Darins place for dinner. My brothers Darin, Taylor and Melvin(little brother) were all there and making fun of me . -nod- But it wasn't normal making fun, it's the kind that makes me wish I wasn't alive cuz I'm such a failure. Just letting me know how dumb I am. How much of a failure I am. How I can't do anything right. You know that kinda stuff. So finally, because I was so over tired I felt like crying so I left the house headed for the park. Unfortunately before I could make it there for a good cry my sister in law called me from her car and asked if I wanted to go to the store with her. Because I didn't want anyone to know I was going to cry I said sure and got in the car with her. It was hard to not cry walking up to the car and being in the car. I didn't get my good cry yesterday. And I can't have it today since my brothers girlfriend is here. Crying is pathetic anyway. I mean just cuz my life sucks doesn't mean I should cry right? I mean just cuz my friends purposly don't tell me about things then I find out by accident from their little brother doesn't mean I should feel betrayed right? Just cuz my brothers hate me and make me feel like shit every time we're all in the same room for fun doesn't mean I should cry, right? Right. I need to stop being such a baby all the time. 'Take care of myself' as they say. Perhaps I'll go die somewhere, it's easier then life and though they say its stupid they would probably feel relieved that I'm not around to bother them anymore. They wont have to 'take care' of me or 'baby' me or anything cuz there wont be a me to bother with. Have I mentioned I'm sick yet? No not sick in the head. Then again I could be. No it's kinda like a cold I guess. I feel like shit. I almost threw up and I'm dizzy and have a headache. Maybe I'm dying? No that would be too much to ask. What fun would it be for everyone else if I wasn't around to make fun of. You know my only brother that doesn't bother me about stuff is my niisan. And at the moment I'm really missing him. Oh there we go here come the tears. Gotta keep it to a minimum though since my little brother and girlfriend are downstairs and could come up at any moment. Anyway my niisan never bothers me about a job. One of the favourite subjects to bother me about with my other brothers. He never bothers me about my eating or lack of eating rather. He doesn't constantly let me know how stupid I am either. I'd like to visit him and Jeanette again at their house before school but oh wait thats only 10 days away. Oh great I just remembered I have eyeliner on. Perhaps I can just make it look like I rubbed my eyes instead of looking like I was crying like the baby I am. Oh right my little brother got new speakers for the computer he has in his room. Cool huh. Now he's got everything cool in his room. Oh hah guess what? My dvd player's broken. haha yeah it's funny. The only thing I have in my room is broken ahaha. I feel sick. I wish I'd jsut throw up so I'd feel better already. I think I'm shaking too. Well I guess I'm done now, my moms back in the house and I'm feelinga little empty now. So Still doing the countdown. 10 Days.