June 27th 2012

So it's been a really long time since I posted here and no it's not cuz everything's been going good lol everything sucks as usual in fact its worse because i keep getting older but I don't change on the inside. I still am scared of people and can't get a job but my mothers still pushing me to get one, my stupid idea of selling my jewlery online failed of course because nothing ever goes right for me, I'm out of money but still have to pay my mother back for the trip to BC for my brothers wedding which is $700 and I've got a tab with her still for random things like clothes, I've said I'd go to toronoto already for next years AN so I've got to save up for that, the ticket, the hotel, and if I can money for a cosplay. I don't wanna bail but I'm pretty close to just wanting to kill myself off so I don't have to deal with life. I've never really been good with life and I'm not smart or pretty so its not like I can just marry someone rich -laugh- no one would want to be with me, not pretty smart and my personality sucks nod nod well I can't promise I'll be around for my friends wedding I've been looking forward to but I guess thats just what I'll have to do. I do wish I was more like normal peopole and could just 'change' by going out in the world and meeting people but even the thought of that makes me too scared. I suppose I'll let this blog friend of mine know when I've decided to die when I decide lol