June 9

Mom was sick today and she still got out of bed and made us breakfast, she then walked us up to the bus and worked all day on my prom dress. I love her a lot and I'm thankful she worked on it. I went to Law class today forgetting completely that I had a final test for that class today. I failed it was an open book(textbook&notebook) test. I'm actually so retarded that I didn't know what the questions were asking and if I found something that might have something to do with the answer I didn't understand what the textbook was saying. I got no answers. Fifteen minutes left of the class and I couldn't try to concentrate all I could think of were painless ways of suicide. I decided that I'd 'cheat'. It WAS open book so I didn't see anything wrong with writing out all the questions and getting my friends to help me with them later. I lost those questions and now have to go to school tomorrow and finish failing the test. All I could think about for next class was how I didn't want to have to pretend to be happy. I just wanted to go in the dark room and cry.

Ugly useless girl. Keep thinking I can change it but I can't.
God thought it would be fuckin' hilarious to make me dumb
and ugly with no actual disease for an excuse. Well.
If there IS a god. I'm not sure. I haven't decided if he's
just a bastard or he's not really there.




When I was in photography I had a good time. I'm making a pinhole camera out of a paint can so today I painted the inside of the paint can black. Me and Fish (one of my friends) skipped the next class and went to royals restaurant. On our way there a little boy around 3-4 was on the school field near the side walk with his mother, she wasn't paying attention so the boy dropped his pants and took a pee right on the law, me and Fish saw and burst out laughing. At lunch there was more yearbook signing, it was pretty fun. Then my favourite class of the day came. Spare. In the programming room. They were taking notes and going over material for tomorrows summative, I had no idea what they were talking about but I had fun still. A friend came in the class though and as usual was all over one of my guy friends. It was quite annoying. She was supposed to have a class then but she didn't have to present something in the class so she got let out and came to bother us. After the class I went on another friends bus to her home to do photography. S, F and Fr(not using my real friends names right now) were all talking and having fun and being too stupid to notice that B was crying. Since I was the only one who noticed I got out of my seet and sat with her letting her rest her head on my shoulder and holding her hand. After doing photography my friends F and Fr we did more 'fun' photography, they dressed up and I took photos. While they were sorting through the pictures it was getting closer to the time my mother was supposed to pick me up so I asked Fr if she could help me with my Law questions she said yes so i went to my bag to get them. They weren't there. They had gotten lost at some point in the day. Tomorrow I'm going to go to Law and fail the rest of that test. I was just told 'it'll be alright' as they continued to sort pictures.



4 more days.