I know there's a way to put some sort of private thing on here so my friends on another blog can't see it but honestly I don't know if I want to hide it from them or not...I think it'd be easier for me to write stuff here then tell them to their face or even over msn...
I'm terribly sad haha I've pretty much been crying all day while my family wasn't home...reading some blog stuff...doing overdue work... that's what started it..I was doing my law summative and finished sorta so I'm waiting for a friend to come online to read it...as I sat there I decided I hadn't checked the blog in a while...The blog went through a really rough time a few months back, everyone was depressed and fighting, it's better now..a little. It's back to being fun for the most part. So people couldn't really go to it to get things out..so we made another one. For the sole purpose of spilling our thougths of anger sadness and dissapointment. I went to read it. And I cried. I cried at how much shit my friends are going through. How much of that I've never had to go through. The one that hurt the most though was one of my friends that said that our friendships would all end. I knew they would, she didn't hurt me on purpose or anything she was just stating the obvious. I know our friendships will end...and no matter how many times I'm told it'll be fine. we'll see each other lots. we have the whole summer. it's not going to happen and the thought of that rips at me heart. it actually hurts. it sounds stupid but then again thats why I'm
writing on a blog and not telling anyone. I'm really not ready to grow up. not ready to have a job and pay for things myself. not ready to face the real world. hah i so which there was a never land i could just never grow up. but i dont want to lose anyone else. my friends are smart and can deal the real world. unlike me. they're ready, excited even to leave and start new. im selfish and don't want them to go. i would rather them be a failure like me instead of go and get their dreams because I know I can't. I don't even have a dream. I don't know what I want to do. High school's end came so quickly. I thought I'd be in it forever. I hate school i want out....that's what I always thought. but school ending in 7 days...summer where people will be working so they can have money so they can go to the school they want to fufil their dreams...not hanging out like some people think we'd be doing...this summer is not a fun filled summer. it's getting ready to leave. to never see the people you thought you'd be with for life. it seems so stupid how I thought hey Naruto and Sasuke are still connected. they have bonds. they'll never break...I was stupid. there are bonds I guess..but at the end of school they'll break. or become thin until they're barely there
and you find no point in keeping them. I found a website that gave the truth. again it made me cry. in it, it said; Carole King's song "you've got a friend" promises "winter, spring, summer, or fall--all you've got to do is call--and I'll be there." Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end. Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears. Sue said, "the end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex top the other. We had over and hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off." John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present" Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town. Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home." Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends." Bob Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:
-Unexpressed expectations
-Undelivered communication
-And/or thwarted attention
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change. Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grown in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."
I'll be very surprised if anyone ever reads this. and if they do,even more surprised if they've got this far. I will miss my friends a lot. I'm not looking forward to being all alone next year...high school was when I first got real friends. Some of us had been friends in middle school but the friendship either died or got stronger in high school. Next year.. I'll be going back. The rest of them will be moving forward. going to colleges or universities some only to ottawa u or carleton some to toronto...no matter how close they are though. I know I'll barely see them but I cannot tell them how much it hurts or let them see. or cry in front of them. I'm hoping I can keep it together for prom. so no one sees. if i need to let it out ill hide. i don't want to hear the words "it'll be okay." because I know it wont. not for me at least. next year i'll be going back to the loner I used to be. before my awesome friends. this summer ill have to get a job. with people. whom I hate for just being people I don't know and I'm afraid of. or because I DO know them and just don't like. Either way it'll be shit. But I won't let anyone see. I'll put on my fake smile and no one will see how broken I really am.
7 days. Hah. I can hold on for 7 days.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end. Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears. Sue said, "the end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex top the other. We had over and hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off." John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present" Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town. Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home." Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends." Bob Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:
-Unexpressed expectations
-Undelivered communication
-And/or thwarted attention
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change. Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grown in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."
I'll be very surprised if anyone ever reads this. and if they do,even more surprised if they've got this far. I will miss my friends a lot. I'm not looking forward to being all alone next year...high school was when I first got real friends. Some of us had been friends in middle school but the friendship either died or got stronger in high school. Next year.. I'll be going back. The rest of them will be moving forward. going to colleges or universities some only to ottawa u or carleton some to toronto...no matter how close they are though. I know I'll barely see them but I cannot tell them how much it hurts or let them see. or cry in front of them. I'm hoping I can keep it together for prom. so no one sees. if i need to let it out ill hide. i don't want to hear the words "it'll be okay." because I know it wont. not for me at least. next year i'll be going back to the loner I used to be. before my awesome friends. this summer ill have to get a job. with people. whom I hate for just being people I don't know and I'm afraid of. or because I DO know them and just don't like. Either way it'll be shit. But I won't let anyone see. I'll put on my fake smile and no one will see how broken I really am.
7 days. Hah. I can hold on for 7 days.
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